after the fall {p r e f a c e}

 

"You really love him don't you?" I stare blankly into Will's eyes as he asks me this.

"Why yes. He's funny. He's adorable. He's sweet. He's loving. He's awkward. He's beautiful. He's caring. He's awesome. He's perfect." I stare at the ground for a minute, playing with my cold fingers, before sitting up and looking at Will with tears in my eyes, "You know that feeling when you look at him and think, wow. I love him but we're just friends. Or maybe when he looks at her it hurts so much sometimes. When you're in love with him and he's in love with her. You love everything about him and he loves...everything about her. You wasted all your 11:11 wishes on him and you've kept it in for so long, that hardly anybody knows how confused you are. Do you tell him how much you love him? Or do you keep it in as usual? It's 'confusing', or 'it's complicated' when someone asks you what is wrong. When you look at them together, your eyes fill up with tears because you love him...you love him so much, and sometimes, you just wish....that he just....knew..."

Will looks at me then looks out the window, his face falling, "If only you told him when he was..." Will hesitates for a moment before continuing, "He loved her, but I know," He looks at Woody, "We know that he loved you too, Dan. He had a special place for you. Don't you forget." Woody lifts a small smile.

"Sure, Dan. He may have he looked at her differently, but when you aren't looking, or when you are completely oblivious, he stared. He would stare forever if he only had the chance. And I know, that right now, he is sitting next to you, staring, and smiling, because...he knows, that you were there. You were there and you loved him, just as much as he loved you." I nod, biting my lip, tears escaping at a quick pace. I stand up and run out of my flat. It's raining...pouring actually, but at this moment, I don't care. I don't care about anything....except for him.

I know where I am going. The cemetery. The only place now where I can be alone with him. Me and him. Alone. I run through the rain, my red all-stars not firmly grasping the ground, causing me to slip here and there. The pouring rain mats down my black hair over my ocean blue eyes, but again, I don't care.

I reach the cemetery in one piece and my eyes find the tombstone on the top of the hill. The only one that matters. I make my way towards the drenched tombstone until I am at least two feet away, where I fall to my knees.

"If only you knew..." I whisper, swiping my hand on his head stone, brushing away some water that falls upon it from above, "I still remember the day I met you and your smile...because...it was truly the best day of my life." Images of us together rush through my mind like a blur. I shut my eyes tightly, letting out a heart filled scream into the grey sky. I bash my fist continuously into his tombstone until I hear a crack. I look at my hand to see the my knuckles are busted and bleeding, some white showing. I look up at his tombstone to see a large crack in the center.

Tears stream down my face, mixing with the rain. And I swear, at that very moment, I felt a cold, light kiss on my forehead, and nothing more.